Mrs. Crankipants Presents the AMC Pacer of Shoes

Earth ShoeFeast your eyes, boys and girls, on Earth Shoesthe ugliest shoes on the planet!

Well, except maybe Birkenstocks. 

Oh wait, I forgot about Vibrams.

Earth Shoes were sold for comfort, certainly not for looks unless you like that sort of thing. If that’s the case, you probably drove an AMC Pacer because you thought it looked neat.

My guess is that Earth Shoes were the predecessors of Crocs. They are really ugly, too, but practical in case you’ve misplaced your spaghetti colander.

Ads for Earth Shoes boasted that it was similar to walking in sand on a beach where your heels were lower than your toes, a.k.a Negative Heel Technology. Man, consumers in the seventies could be talked into anything – ponchos, polyester double-knits, leisure suits, and red and white unisex clodhoppers with ample room for hammertoes.  *shudders*  And here I thought you were supposed to wait until your seventies to rock the orthopedic footwear.

Invented by a yoga instructor, the design of the Earth Shoe is patented. I’m pretty sure the electric chair is patented too.

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27 Responses to Mrs. Crankipants Presents the AMC Pacer of Shoes

  1. JT says:

    I owned a pair of Earth shoes.

    Not the actual ones, mind you….they were pretty pricey in their day.

    I bought a knockoff brand for $5.99, from a place in Brooklyn, N.Y.

    They were called “Oith Shoes”.

  2. JT says:

    I never owned an AMC Pacer.

    When I first saw that car, I thought a person would be better off running down the highway with a 3′ x 5′ pane of glass.

  3. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    Oith Shoes! Geez, for $5.99 they must have been made of pleather. I would fake my own death, change my identity, and live underground for the rest of my days before I would wear pleather. You poor thing!

  4. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    “I never owned an AMC Pacer.”
    My dad had a AMC Hornet, it was olive green.
    Forch, my sister totaled it.

  5. JT says:

    Your sister’s name is Forch ?

    Who was she named after ?

  6. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    Oh what?

  7. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    I meant fortunately.

  8. JT says:

    Maybe they were $6.99, and the were made from Efram Zimbalist Jr. ‘s hair clippings.

    I can’t remember every detail.

  9. JT says:

    Hopefully, fortunately Fortunately was unhurt.

    Unless she plowed into a car owned and driven by William Hurt.

    If that were the case, hopefully fortunately, Fortunatley was unHurt.

  10. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    They must have looked nice with your Oscar Goldman leisure suit!

  11. JT says:

    Nope!

    Niver had one o them, neither.

    Who the heck is Oscar Goldman, anyway ?

    Is that yet another of your sister’s aliases ?

  12. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    Oscar Goldman was Steve Austin’s boss on the TV show “Six Million Dollar Man”. I find it disturbing that you don’t know who Mason Reese or Oscar Goldman are. Did you grow up in a house without electricity JT?

  13. Joe Williams says:

    Steve Austin, astronaut – a man barely alive?

    Ring any bells?

  14. JT says:

    Hello ?

    Hello ?

    Hello, you’re on the air……

    Oh, are you stirring a pitcher of martinis ?

    If that’s the case, ok.

    Provided you’re not using an oar.

  15. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    I waited on Lee Majors once. Easy to see why Farrah tossed that relationship in a Hefty bag.

  16. JT says:

    Steve Austin, a man barely alive?

    Ring any bells?
    ___________________________________________________

    “We can rebuild him.”

    “We have the technology”

    It’s all coming back to me now.

  17. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    I’m here my dear.
    No martinis tonight.

  18. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    He was also on “The Bionic Woman”.

  19. JT says:

    I find it disturbing that you don’t know who Mason Reese or Oscar Goldman are. Did you grow up in a house without electricity JT?

    ____________________________________________________________

    Who is Mason Reese again, exactly ?

    I’ve misplaced my oar.

    We had electricity AND running water, just for the record.

    I’m gonna turn the tables on yas…..

    Do you remember/ or have heard of Captain Nice ?

    “Look at the muscles on those arms, they’re like hammers,
    Look, it’s the nut who walks around in pajamas,
    THAT’S no nut, boy, that’s Captain Nice.”

  20. JT says:

    I waited on Lee Majors once. Easy to see why Farrah tossed that relationship in a Hefty bag.

    ________________________________________________________

    Then she moved on to a good solid citizen like Ryan O Neal.

    I’m getting a headache.

  21. JT says:

    He was also on “The Bionic Woman”.

    ___________________________________________________________

    Didn’t he begat the Bionic Woman ?

  22. JT says:

    I’m here my dear.
    _______________________________

    Yay !

    No martinis tonight.

    ____________________________

    Boo !

  23. JT says:

    It has begun to rain here in America.

    I didn’t have to water my garden this evening.

  24. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    1. Captain Nice was before my time, never heard of him.

    2. She had better taste in hairdressers than men,

    3. He gave her the bionic ear, and is a silent partner in the sleep number beds she hawks.

    4. We have Alabama Slammers on Wednesdays!

  25. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    I keep forgetting you live in America.
    How are your tomatoes?

  26. JT says:

    I picked two pretty nice tomatoes today.

    The first six tomatoes I had that turned red were half eaten by a squirrel.

    Six ears of corn were 1/3 eaten by a squirrel.

    I don’t have any dna samples, or fingerprints, but I suspect it’s the same squirrel.

    There may be a bowl of squirrel stew in my immediate future.

    I gotta call it a nite.

    Have a nice evening, Mr. & Mrs.

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