Welcome, dear readers, to a new category at Willceau Illo News: Step Away from the Pastry Bag! I decided to create this category at Willceau Illo News when I noticed a growing plague of frosting encrusted atrocities prominently displayed in bakery windows. I feared that it must be some kind of terrifying trend. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good broads do nothing. I’m not always good, but the public has to be warned!
Keep in mind, folks, that all of the cakes are REAL. Nothing has been modified, faked or recreated in Photoshop. I’ve also withheld the bakers’ names and locations to protect them from the wrath of dessert critics and to protect potential customers who might think these concoctions look tasty.
Okay, with that said, prepare yourself for the first installment of Step Away From The Pastry Bag: Send in the Clowns!
BEHOLD the monstrosity of this five-tiered, orange, Tower of Babel populated by reclining clowns! Scroll down in horror!
Isn’t it rich? Yeah, it could kill a diabetic at ten paces!
I know that clowns were more popular with kids in America during the first half of the 20th Century, but parents would pick up a sheet cake big enough to hold five or six candles and say Happy Birthday Billy. What evil genius could conceive of combining a wedding cake the size of a Saturn V rocket with a violently colorful circus theme? The mind boggles! It looks like it could be a replica of the cake from Emmett Kelly’s 1923 wedding to famed trapeze artist Eva Moore.
Scroll down and have a closer look at the clowns. Take a gander at those exquisite eyebrows, one can only guess that Joan Crawford’s make-up artist ventured out of her Burbank retirement home to pipe in those bad boys.
Nothing like a little ingenuity and a lot of sugar I always say!