{"id":3269,"date":"2011-07-04T10:39:38","date_gmt":"2011-07-04T15:39:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/?p=3269"},"modified":"2019-11-25T20:08:37","modified_gmt":"2019-11-26T01:08:37","slug":"youll-blow-your-fingers-off-kid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2011\/07\/04\/youll-blow-your-fingers-off-kid\/","title":{"rendered":"You’ll Blow Your Fingers Off, Kid!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Uncle Herbert always did score the best fireworks when he headed down South to pick up cheap Pall Malls. Sadly, the last time he was down there, he tried to pick up a whole truck full of Pall Malls. It’s been quiet around here lately.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Uncle Herbert always did score the best fireworks when he headed down South to pick up cheap Pall Malls. Sadly, the last time he was down there, he tried to pick up a whole truck full of Pall Malls. It’s … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[176,401],"tags":[481,43,482,3673,480],"class_list":["post-3269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-holiday","category-mrs-crankipants","tag-america","tag-humor","tag-independence","tag-mrs-crankipants","tag-usa"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1ed1x-QJ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3255,"url":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2011\/07\/01\/have-tokens-will-travel-or-mrs-crankipants-does-public-transit\/","url_meta":{"origin":3269,"position":0},"title":"Have Tokens, Will Travel or Mrs. Crankipants Does Public Transit","author":"Mrs. Crankipants","date":"July 1, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Public transportation can be a pleasant convenience for getting around a major metropolitan area, but let Mr. Crankipants' favorite spouse offer you kids some valuable advice particularly to you recent arrivals who thought it would be, like, awesome to live among the steel, glass and concrete mingled with the aroma\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in Commuting"","block_context":{"text":"Adventures in Commuting","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/category\/adventures-in-commuting\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/jailphone.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/jailphone.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/jailphone.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5366,"url":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2011\/11\/23\/desserts\/","url_meta":{"origin":3269,"position":1},"title":"Just Desserts","author":"Mrs. Crankipants","date":"November 23, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The Apple Tart and Upside-Down Cranberry Cake are two of the Thanksgiving standards for dessert at Casa di Cranki. The tart, with its nicely fanned apples isn't overly sweet like most apple pies, which means you can indulge without guilt. Of course, it's much better with a scoop of vanilla\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Food"","block_context":{"text":"Food","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/category\/food\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/cranberry.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/cranberry.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/cranberry.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3334,"url":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2011\/07\/17\/incredibly-rare-photo-of-mrs-crankipants\/","url_meta":{"origin":3269,"position":2},"title":"Incredibly Rare Photo of Mrs. Crankipants","author":"Mrs. Crankipants","date":"July 17, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Thanks to tireless investigative work, an incredibly candid and shocking photo of the perpetually camera-shy Mrs. Crankipants has been revealed! According to Mrs. Crankipants: They never had a thing on me, and my record was expunged. Gawd, I miss Chesterfields!","rel":"","context":"In "Blast from the Past"","block_context":{"text":"Blast from the Past","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/category\/blast-from-the-past\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Case of the Homicidal Harlot","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/live.staticflickr.com\/2045\/2362639842_7cd9b11ce1_c.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/live.staticflickr.com\/2045\/2362639842_7cd9b11ce1_c.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/live.staticflickr.com\/2045\/2362639842_7cd9b11ce1_c.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5798,"url":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2011\/12\/31\/happy-year\/","url_meta":{"origin":3269,"position":3},"title":"Happy New Year!!!","author":"Mrs. Crankipants","date":"December 31, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy New Year from Mrs Crankipants and the rest of the Willceau Illo crew!","rel":"","context":"In "Holiday"","block_context":{"text":"Holiday","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/category\/holiday\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/Mrs.C-NYE.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/Mrs.C-NYE.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/Mrs.C-NYE.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6641,"url":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2012\/02\/14\/valentines-day-mrs-crankipants\/","url_meta":{"origin":3269,"position":4},"title":"Valentine’s Day with Mrs. Crankipants","author":"Mrs. Crankipants","date":"February 14, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Valentine's Day is all about indulging - I'm hoping to get a heart shaped box of chocolates today. * gives Mr. Crankipants the side eye * No, this delectable creation isn't mine, it's the work of the bakers who brought you the incredible clown themed wedding cake and the unofficial\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Food"","block_context":{"text":"Food","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/category\/food\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Mrs.Crankipantscupcake.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Mrs.Crankipantscupcake.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Mrs.Crankipantscupcake.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4570,"url":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/2011\/10\/08\/night\/","url_meta":{"origin":3269,"position":5},"title":"What I Did Last Night","author":"Mrs. Crankipants","date":"October 8, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"","rel":"","context":"In "Mrs. Crankipants"","block_context":{"text":"Mrs. Crankipants","link":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/category\/mrs-crankipants\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/GirdleDance-388.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3269"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3269\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/willceau.com\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}