Mrs. Crankipants Invites You to a Mustache Party


Just like the Macarena and chlamydia, a new trend is sweeping the nation!

Manscaping has gotten out of hand these days. Truth be told, Mrs. Crankipants likes a little fur on her men.

Which brings me to the topic of mustaches – be still my girly heart, I love me a good ‘stache! Nothing cranks my tractor like a little hair on a man’s upper lip. So imagine my delight when I discovered this set of 12 self adhesive beauties online!
Mustache Party allows me to apply a mysterious faux fur of unknown chemical composition below my nose, which is way better than the old Sharpie® method. And a lot easier to remove. Trust. Once applied, hilarity ensues when you declare that you’re a member of the opposite sex or that you are Armenian. Games follow. What does your choice of mustache say about the wearer. Does that Bandit model really make you look like Burt Reynolds? Quick, put a poodle on your head and the illusion is complete! You are now qualified to drive a Pontiac Trans Am recklessly, marry badly and laugh like a jackass!

Judging from the illustration of the incredibly chic people enjoying their upper lip toupees, this must be some kind of new trend that’s starting with the aristocracy and spreading its way down to Main Street. It’s kinda like those key parties from the 70’s, you know, like the one in that really depressing movie The Ice Storm. You know! The one where the kid who played Peter Parker ends up with a severe case of blue balls thanks to Tom Cruise’s wife, and the kid who plays Frodo gets fried by a downed powerline. You didn’t see it? Well, I guess I spoiled that one!
Absent from the selection of mustaches is the little square, which I would call The Little Tramp or The Statesman.
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5 Responses to Mrs. Crankipants Invites You to a Mustache Party

  1. JT says:

    Is Gene Shalit your dream man ?

  2. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    I dig Gene, but my heart belongs to Salvador Dali!

  3. JT says:

    He could’ve put someone’s eye out with that.

  4. proof says:

    In high school, before I grew my own ‘stache, I had to paste one on with spirit gum for a play. Never forget that smell!

  5. Mrs. Crankipants says:

    Was it the Scoundrel or the Casanova?

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