Send in the Clowns

Welcome, dear readers, to a new category at Willceau Illo News: Step Away from the Pastry Bag! I decided to create this category at Willceau Illo News when I noticed a growing plague of frosting encrusted atrocities prominently displayed in bakery windows. I feared that it must be some kind of terrifying trend.  All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good broads do nothing. I’m not always good, but the public has to be warned!

Keep in mind, folks, that all of the cakes are REAL. Nothing has been modified, faked or recreated in Photoshop. I’ve also withheld the bakers’ names and locations to protect them from the wrath of dessert critics and to protect potential customers who might think these concoctions look tasty.

Okay, with that said, prepare yourself for the first installment of Step Away From The Pastry Bag: Send in the Clowns!

BEHOLD the monstrosity of this five-tiered, orange, Tower of Babel populated by reclining clowns! Scroll down in horror!

Isn’t it rich? Yeah, it could kill a diabetic at ten paces!

I know that clowns were more popular with kids in America during the first half of the 20th Century, but parents would pick up a sheet cake big enough to hold five or six candles and say Happy Birthday Billy. What evil genius could conceive of combining a wedding cake the size of a Saturn V rocket with a violently colorful circus theme? The mind boggles! It looks like it could be a replica of the cake from Emmett Kelly’s 1923 wedding to famed trapeze artist Eva Moore.

Scroll down and have a closer look at the clowns. Take a gander at those exquisite eyebrows, one can only guess that Joan Crawford’s make-up artist ventured out of her Burbank retirement home to pipe in those bad boys.

It looks as though the pastry chef ran out of butter cream, grabbed an Ateco #806 tip and attached it to a tube of Aquafresh® toothpaste to pipe the clown’s bodies.

Nothing like a little ingenuity and a lot of sugar I always say!

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26 Responses to Send in the Clowns

  1. JT says:

    I have a question.

    In the event that a bakery makes a GIANT cake like that, and nobody buys it…..what do they DO with it ?

    Take the Super Bowl.

    Please.

    Just kidding…I’m a Henny Youngman fan.

    Ya ever notice that IMMEDIATELY after the game, the WINNING team is wearing hats that state they are the champs ?

  2. JT says:

    Ya ever wondered how they do that ?

    Since Jeane Dixon died ?

    It’s simple.

    They make hats and shirts for BOTH teams.

  3. JT says:

    And you’re about to ask…WHAT do they DO with the LOSING team’s shirt’s and Hats ?

    I’m glad you asked me that.

  4. JT says:

    They send them to third world countries.

    And write it off their taxes, I’m guessing.

    No WONDER those people hate us.

  5. JT says:

    They have to walk around, day after day, wearing the LOSING team’s logo, wishing it was made out of something edible, to take the edge off of their hunger and stigma.

    Why, it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that Jerry J. HIMSELF personally delivered these items to the poor.

    Since it’s been awhile that his team has actually been involved in the game.

  6. JT says:

    “How ya’aal doin’ ?”

    “WHAT ? You’re hongry ? That’s a shame.”

    “Here’s a free hat from America”

    “BUUURRRRRRP”

  7. JT says:

    And when he bills his team as “America’s Team”, he’s trying to put the blame on us.

    And if things keep progressing as they are, he might start calling it “George Bush’s Team”.

  8. JT says:

    So that’s why I was wondering about the cake.

    I picture a worst case scenario where a retailer waits until the last possible moment to realize that the cake is a no sale and it goes with the losing team’s hats and shirts.

    And we all know where the whole “Let them eat cake” thing leads.

    I think we should let the world know that if they wanna come here and learn the language and become assimilated, they TOO will be free to throw snowballs at Santa Claus.

  9. Joe Williams says:

    JT – your posts are longer than the article!!!

    Waste not, want not may be be a great adage, but I think this cake is better off uneaten.

  10. Tina says:

    To answer your question:
    “In the event that a bakery makes a GIANT cake like that, and nobody buys it…..what do they DO with it ?”

    Ten to one there are styrofoam cake rounds under all of that icing. When the cakes have been displayed in the windows so long that the color starts to fade, they remove them and scrape off the butter cream. Then the rounds are re-iced and recycled into a display cake for a wedding, bar mitzvah, or National Blood Donor Day.

  11. Nancy Durant says:

    National Blood Donor Day- Now that is a cake I want to see!

  12. JT says:

    and scrape off the butter cream

    And what do they do with THAT ?

    Huh ? Huh? Huh ?

    I KNEW it.

  13. Tina says:

    Nancy – http://www.365cakepops.com/2011/06/world-blood-donor-day.html

    JT – *stabs skull with chicken drumstick*
    I have it on good authority that the frosting is placed in pails and sold to pig farmers in New Jersey.

  14. JT says:

    I have it on good authority that the frosting is placed in pails and sold to pig farmers in New Jersey.

    And look what THAT has led to…..

    http://dybiz.com/sites_randomblog/fattest-pigs-ever-documented

    That’s JUST what the world needs…..pigs with diabetes, high blood pressure and low self esteem.

  15. JT says:

    *stabs skull with chicken drumstick*

    Well, at least it wasn’t from a morbidly obese chicken.

  16. JT says:

    Wow.

    This blog went from clowns and cakes to morbidly obese chickens.

    I think I missed my calling.

    I should be on a steering committee.

  17. Tina says:

    “I should be on a steering committee.”

    As in steering as far away from the original topic as possible? 🙂

  18. JT says:

    Think of it as a sightseeing tour.

  19. JT says:

    Stay safe during the upcoming storm.

    See ya on the other side.

  20. Joe Williams says:

    I just worry about this bakery during the hurricane. What if somebody leaves the cakes out in the rain? We’ll never find that recipe again!
    Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  21. Tina says:

    JT – you too – be safe!

  22. JT says:

    We’ll never find that recipe again!
    Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    And you thought MY posts were long ?

  23. What do us poor clowns have to do to get a break around here?!

  24. Joe Williams says:

    Your timing is perfect! Stay tuned. Mrs Crankipants will be back tomorrow with a new installment of “Step Away From The Pastry Bag!”

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